Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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