Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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