I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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