So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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