Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
