yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
