So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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