; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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