we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
