I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
