Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
