Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
