yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
