I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
