I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
