The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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