who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
