either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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