uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
