god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Randomize
