Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
