hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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