I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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