just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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