he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
