I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
