I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I party with great urgency now.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize