Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I smell like Dick and happiness
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
