this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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