Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
