I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
