My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
