Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Randomize
