i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
