You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
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I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
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Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
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