Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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