i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
