I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
