u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
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At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
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I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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