This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
