theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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