i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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