I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
