At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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