I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
