You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
