remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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