I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
