If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
