then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize