I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
