i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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