found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
