Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
