your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
