I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
