my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
