so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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