We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Holy sore nipples Batman
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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