dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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