just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
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We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
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#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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