Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
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she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize