We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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