he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize