A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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