She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
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