I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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