I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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