Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
