Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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