We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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